“What’s wrong with me??”
I threw this question to my other self, and his first reaction was “what???”..!!! And then he probably understood what I meant. There was this constant battle going on in my mind. I didn’t know what was wrong but I knew something was. I had started forgetting a lot of things, I had started to get angry, I felt that I was so short of time. And then this person took me to the terrace. He wanted me to recollect everything that I thought had been worth remembering, every experience that I had stopped and soaked myself in. I got rather confused, what was this guy doing to me. The sane part of my brain went like “go to sleep, you’ve got work tomorrow, This guy could make you go mad,” but the other half went like “listen to him, he could give you something worthwhile.”
And then I started thinking. Have I started running too fast? Have I stopped feeling, have I stopped caring? And then it went like why am I thinking like this? Everything is fine, it’s just a bit of overworked thing that makes you feel exhausted. My mind was getting overworked again. And then I just stared at the sky. The stars and the infinity beyond. And then I saw an airplane. I started wondering about how peaceful the people on that aircraft would be. Traveling amongst the stars into the peaceful night. I wanted to be amongst them. But then I thought, “I’ve been there myself, I never felt peaceful traveling in an aircraft…!!!” It’s never been peaceful inside an aircraft.
And then the clouds gave way and I saw the moon. And suddenly I felt a smile across my face. When I was a small child I used to go up on the terrace and gaze at the moon. I always tried to picturise the moon as a smiling face. All the black spots upon the moon used to alternate as the eyes, ears, nose and of course the smile. Chandamama, that’s where all this came from. But it still made me happy. It used to be so comforting seeing someone smile at you, night in and night out. Whenever I went to the terrace, chandamama was always there for me, smiling away. The moon still made me happy…!!!! I was overjoyed. This is probably what had been missing from my life all these days.
I don’t know whether I will stop forgetting, whether I will stop getting angry or whether I won’t be short of time anymore, but I don’t really care. It’s one of those feelings where you are content enough, not to really worry about anything else on this planet.
The moment where you connect with yourself…!!! The night when you are wide awake…!!!
